It was a simple act... a simple surprise.. a card. It was the words and meaning behind it that melted my heart again! Such simple things that remind me what a special thing I have growing with him.
In my past it was always the simplest acts that were forgotten about. It was those things that I cherish so much. A card, or having my favorite soda in the house, or my favorite dessert. Or cooking dinner.
It's holding my hand when I am scared. Or driving with me to the gas station cause of irrational fears at 3:30 am. Or laughing with me or being able to watch a really bad movie and laugh at it! It's letting me be me, and all the silly ways I have and knowing that holding me is the most important thing.
It's being able to dream, but realistic enough to know today is today..... But knowing the dreams are in both our hearts.. and every once in a while speak them out loud as the dreams.. afraid and unafraid.!
It's allowing me to call you out and push you in the uncomfy places in your life.. just enough.. It's about opening up and being honest about the important things too :D
It's all those wonderful things that make me smile, happy, warmed and completely at peace tonight, even if I am tired :D
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Missing Ron is so hard
I miss him. I just do. I am loving the time I am spending with Michael, don't get me wrong. We have laughed, been silly, and just the crazy two kids we are when we are together.. However with all that being said.. I had an empty part in my heart.
When the laughter stopped, and there was a moment of silence, my thoughts raced of missing Ron. I would wonder what's he doing.. Hoping he was relaxing and having a nice day. I wondered if the dinner he planned on having was good. I would miss gazing into his eyes and sharing a funny silly joke between the two of us. I would miss just being able to curl up in his arms and feel warm, loved, and happy. I missed the simple act of holding his hand. I can close my eyes and see his warm eyes looking into mine, and the half grin/smirk on his face. Something was just missing today, and it was him.
I don't know how good I am always expressing it. I don't know if I miss you is enough.. Does it really say enough? Does Love you say enough? ... I want him and everyone else who may read this blog to know..
The boy melts me.. Completely melts my hearts.. He stole is somewhere along the way... Wasn't looking for it, made promises it wasn't going to happen, and had secretly longed for it.. and there is comes along.. my gentle man with his soft smile, warm eyes, gentle hugs, funny humor, honor of a warrior, and soft heart of an angel, logic that drives me nuts, and his laugh lights me up. I can't explain it.. it's just the way he laughs. Every time I see him, my breath still skips, and I am at peace again.
My heart can't belong to anyone else, I can't even think of anyone else.. I only have room for one love.
I have decided that yes, this makes me very vulnerable. more so than I thought I would be again.. But sometimes.. as my love says.. You just throw caution to the wind. He may not know this, but as much as he has.. so have I.. I have thrown out my rule book, my jaded thoughts, and allowed myself to dream and love again..
and .. I take it one day at a time.. Celebrating the love I feel..
So, I know you are out there, many hours away from me my dear.... Sleeping... and my thoughts are of you tonight.. You alone are in my heart.. Love you :D
When the laughter stopped, and there was a moment of silence, my thoughts raced of missing Ron. I would wonder what's he doing.. Hoping he was relaxing and having a nice day. I wondered if the dinner he planned on having was good. I would miss gazing into his eyes and sharing a funny silly joke between the two of us. I would miss just being able to curl up in his arms and feel warm, loved, and happy. I missed the simple act of holding his hand. I can close my eyes and see his warm eyes looking into mine, and the half grin/smirk on his face. Something was just missing today, and it was him.
I don't know how good I am always expressing it. I don't know if I miss you is enough.. Does it really say enough? Does Love you say enough? ... I want him and everyone else who may read this blog to know..
The boy melts me.. Completely melts my hearts.. He stole is somewhere along the way... Wasn't looking for it, made promises it wasn't going to happen, and had secretly longed for it.. and there is comes along.. my gentle man with his soft smile, warm eyes, gentle hugs, funny humor, honor of a warrior, and soft heart of an angel, logic that drives me nuts, and his laugh lights me up. I can't explain it.. it's just the way he laughs. Every time I see him, my breath still skips, and I am at peace again.
My heart can't belong to anyone else, I can't even think of anyone else.. I only have room for one love.
I have decided that yes, this makes me very vulnerable. more so than I thought I would be again.. But sometimes.. as my love says.. You just throw caution to the wind. He may not know this, but as much as he has.. so have I.. I have thrown out my rule book, my jaded thoughts, and allowed myself to dream and love again..
and .. I take it one day at a time.. Celebrating the love I feel..
So, I know you are out there, many hours away from me my dear.... Sleeping... and my thoughts are of you tonight.. You alone are in my heart.. Love you :D
I always think of Ron when I hear this song.. I heard it tonight when I was was with Michael. That and a big sign that said Eat Love Pray! ( the movie we just saw together) Really could any more signs show me where my heart was!!! Hell, I already knew ....
Sunday, September 12, 2010
My best guy friend Michael
So.. I have been thinking Michael today a bit.. Not really Michael in general, but how we came to the place we are as one of my best friends in the world.
We have know each other 4 years this October. We met on accident. He was looking for someone else when he said hello on myspace ( ha, ha myspace) and I was angry at a guy I was trying to date ( which failed miserably by the way). I was in a mood, and said something funny, and he responded.. We ended up talking for hours that night. It was very natural
And we met shortly after and spent hours at a Denny's talking ! WTF is up with me and Denny's by the way. I need to buy stock or something in that company. And it was easy. And it was fun.
Circumstances made him live with me. And that was easy.. and we are like 2 kids in a candy store together. No is never an option really. We egg each other on.. we are super silly and I usually am on the floor laughing at some point when we are hanging out. We have stayed up too many hours together just laughing and doing stupid stuff.
Here is an example that always makes me laugh. A couple years ago right before a trip out of town we planned, the basement flooded. So.. rationally we should have stayed home and fixed the basement and figured it out. But it was the middle of the night and we had to turn the water off in the house, so we decide we are going to stay up all night and drive out of town cause that seemed like a better idea. We were calling hotels in the middle of the night to find one that would let us check in really early. We finally did, but that's the stupid things we do together..
I was not interested in dating during the last 4 years. You may wonder why. Well, I needed to heal. I needed to find out who Chrissy was again. And Michael helped me heal in many ways. He reminded me that men do not hit a women, no matter if they get really angry or not. When I first met Michael, if he accidentally would come to fast at me, or make a gesture in fun, I would end up in a ball.. thinking I was going to be hit. It took a while for that to go away, but now.. It never happens and I can honestly say.. Real men don't hit and I didn't deserve it. I carried around the thoughts that maybe I did. Michael reminded me an adventure was fun. He thought I was teaching him what an adventure was, but really I was re-teaching myself. He reminded me that you can laugh at the worst of it.. He made me feel like a girl again. Reminded that being a girl and girly is completely okay! Heels are fun, and wearing a skirt just for fun is okay. We would shop and like a girlfriend, he would sit with me for hours trying on clothes and helping me pick the ones that were cute. I had not had that in so long. I lived in a world with whatever was around was good enough, and that was that. I didn't care really.. no one wanted me, and I didn't deserve it. He reminded me! So many little wounds he took the time by just being my best friend he healed.
So, that sounds like love doesn't it? Knowing that someone has your back... that someone just will stand by you.. and in many ways.. it is love.. But I never was in love with him. He was always like family.. a familiar being that just belonged in my life.
My heart never welled and filled with joy for him. I never grinned ear to ear thinking of him. I never ever thought Michael was mine in that way. He wasn't. I didn't want him, and he didn't want me.... not like that. It just wasn't there.
But he was my assumed date everywhere we went and after a year and half we just stopped explaining it to the world. We showed up together, people didn't ask too many questions and life was just life. But between us, we knew. He was my best friend and family..
But he was not my love. He did not steal my breath away, He did not fill me with the security of a love, I did not give him the look of love ;)
So.... we both were unhappy wanting that love.. we talked and cried about it, thinking we would lose our friendship in the end. We had battles to keep it. At the end of the day, we looked at each other and said. Besties? Besties....
I won't let go of the fact that he are one of the most important people in each other's life; faults and all. If I ever get married again.. I think he will glow the brightest for me, cause he saw the daily struggling, the little girl who grew up and became a women again. He walked the hells of healing with me. And I never really thank him for his support, fatherly concern in many ways, silly talks, advice, worry, caring, love, and friendship.
He says things like You're the Chrissy, and I totally am! And thank you for helping me find her, heal her, and allow her to grow into a women who was ready for the love she found. Without you my dear friend,... I don't know where I would be today..
Our song is Gnarls Barkley- Crazy!!! Every single time I hear it on the radio.. I blast the song.. and call him and just let it play screaming the
words ! Here are the words:
I remember when, I rememberI remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space
And when you're out there without care
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly
And I hope that you are
Having the time of your life
But think twice
That's my only advice
Come on now,
who do you Who do you, who do you, who do you think you are?
Ha ha ha, bless your soul
You really think you're in control?
Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me
My heroes had the heart
To lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember
Is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little
Ever since I was little
It looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done
But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably
Somehow that says everything with the laughter we share, and underneath an understanding of who we are as best friends....
Michael.. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the one who helped me heal. Thank you for being you.. faults and all ;)
And I hope each and every one of you have a Michael in your life. :D
I totally learned how to add a video!!!
We have know each other 4 years this October. We met on accident. He was looking for someone else when he said hello on myspace ( ha, ha myspace) and I was angry at a guy I was trying to date ( which failed miserably by the way). I was in a mood, and said something funny, and he responded.. We ended up talking for hours that night. It was very natural
And we met shortly after and spent hours at a Denny's talking ! WTF is up with me and Denny's by the way. I need to buy stock or something in that company. And it was easy. And it was fun.
Circumstances made him live with me. And that was easy.. and we are like 2 kids in a candy store together. No is never an option really. We egg each other on.. we are super silly and I usually am on the floor laughing at some point when we are hanging out. We have stayed up too many hours together just laughing and doing stupid stuff.
Here is an example that always makes me laugh. A couple years ago right before a trip out of town we planned, the basement flooded. So.. rationally we should have stayed home and fixed the basement and figured it out. But it was the middle of the night and we had to turn the water off in the house, so we decide we are going to stay up all night and drive out of town cause that seemed like a better idea. We were calling hotels in the middle of the night to find one that would let us check in really early. We finally did, but that's the stupid things we do together..
I was not interested in dating during the last 4 years. You may wonder why. Well, I needed to heal. I needed to find out who Chrissy was again. And Michael helped me heal in many ways. He reminded me that men do not hit a women, no matter if they get really angry or not. When I first met Michael, if he accidentally would come to fast at me, or make a gesture in fun, I would end up in a ball.. thinking I was going to be hit. It took a while for that to go away, but now.. It never happens and I can honestly say.. Real men don't hit and I didn't deserve it. I carried around the thoughts that maybe I did. Michael reminded me an adventure was fun. He thought I was teaching him what an adventure was, but really I was re-teaching myself. He reminded me that you can laugh at the worst of it.. He made me feel like a girl again. Reminded that being a girl and girly is completely okay! Heels are fun, and wearing a skirt just for fun is okay. We would shop and like a girlfriend, he would sit with me for hours trying on clothes and helping me pick the ones that were cute. I had not had that in so long. I lived in a world with whatever was around was good enough, and that was that. I didn't care really.. no one wanted me, and I didn't deserve it. He reminded me! So many little wounds he took the time by just being my best friend he healed.
So, that sounds like love doesn't it? Knowing that someone has your back... that someone just will stand by you.. and in many ways.. it is love.. But I never was in love with him. He was always like family.. a familiar being that just belonged in my life.
My heart never welled and filled with joy for him. I never grinned ear to ear thinking of him. I never ever thought Michael was mine in that way. He wasn't. I didn't want him, and he didn't want me.... not like that. It just wasn't there.
But he was my assumed date everywhere we went and after a year and half we just stopped explaining it to the world. We showed up together, people didn't ask too many questions and life was just life. But between us, we knew. He was my best friend and family..
But he was not my love. He did not steal my breath away, He did not fill me with the security of a love, I did not give him the look of love ;)
So.... we both were unhappy wanting that love.. we talked and cried about it, thinking we would lose our friendship in the end. We had battles to keep it. At the end of the day, we looked at each other and said. Besties? Besties....
I won't let go of the fact that he are one of the most important people in each other's life; faults and all. If I ever get married again.. I think he will glow the brightest for me, cause he saw the daily struggling, the little girl who grew up and became a women again. He walked the hells of healing with me. And I never really thank him for his support, fatherly concern in many ways, silly talks, advice, worry, caring, love, and friendship.
He says things like You're the Chrissy, and I totally am! And thank you for helping me find her, heal her, and allow her to grow into a women who was ready for the love she found. Without you my dear friend,... I don't know where I would be today..
Our song is Gnarls Barkley- Crazy!!! Every single time I hear it on the radio.. I blast the song.. and call him and just let it play screaming the
words ! Here are the words:
I remember when, I rememberI remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space
And when you're out there without care
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly
And I hope that you are
Having the time of your life
But think twice
That's my only advice
Come on now,
who do you Who do you, who do you, who do you think you are?
Ha ha ha, bless your soul
You really think you're in control?
Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me
My heroes had the heart
To lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember
Is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little
Ever since I was little
It looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done
But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably
Somehow that says everything with the laughter we share, and underneath an understanding of who we are as best friends....
Michael.. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the one who helped me heal. Thank you for being you.. faults and all ;)
And I hope each and every one of you have a Michael in your life. :D
I totally learned how to add a video!!!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Mom
I had a few different topics floating in my head tonight, and then finally the right one came..
My mom
In a few hours from now, I almost lost my mom 9 years ago. The reason why I almost lost her is not important. Those who know, know and those are the only people that really need to know.
I remember the night so clearly, as if it happened yesterday. I remember being asleep and my ex-husband waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me. I remember, making a frantic call to work explaining that I would not be coming in, and driving way to fast to her house. I remember that the ambulance was just about to pull out of the driveway as I got there. I didn't get to see her. I was in a panic.
It was just my dad, my brother and I. I only remember being with my little brother. Looking at him with sadness. He was so young. I didn't have the right words to express to him what I needed and wanted to say to him. Even though the hospital is not that far away, it seemed to take forever to get there. I just wanted to see my mom. I wanted to hold her, and love her and hug her.
I remember.. saying too many prayers, I remember begging with my father that she will be okay. I remember crying tears that came from my soul. I remember from the pit of my soul, just wanting my mom to be okay. I remember making tough calls, and feeling so very helpless.
I remember her waking up.. The sense of happiness and joy. It was celebratory. I remember sitting w/ her and watching her get better. I remember her coming home. I remember how happy I was she was still part of the family.
And 9 years later, I think of her and I love her so much. She is such a great lady. She has this laugh when that comes from her belly when she gets going that can light up a room. She loves so big. She would give the shirt of her back for her family and friends. She is really sensitive to life, and at times this can be frustrating it give you an new perspective on feelings. It allows you to stop and realize that feelings are okay and to celebrate them for all that they are. She is just an amazing person when all is said and done.
So while other think of those who lost their lives on 9/11.. I am thankful that one was saved. I am thankful every single day. She is on borrowed time... and I am thankful the Lord knew we still needed her.
My mom
In a few hours from now, I almost lost my mom 9 years ago. The reason why I almost lost her is not important. Those who know, know and those are the only people that really need to know.
I remember the night so clearly, as if it happened yesterday. I remember being asleep and my ex-husband waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me. I remember, making a frantic call to work explaining that I would not be coming in, and driving way to fast to her house. I remember that the ambulance was just about to pull out of the driveway as I got there. I didn't get to see her. I was in a panic.
It was just my dad, my brother and I. I only remember being with my little brother. Looking at him with sadness. He was so young. I didn't have the right words to express to him what I needed and wanted to say to him. Even though the hospital is not that far away, it seemed to take forever to get there. I just wanted to see my mom. I wanted to hold her, and love her and hug her.
I remember.. saying too many prayers, I remember begging with my father that she will be okay. I remember crying tears that came from my soul. I remember from the pit of my soul, just wanting my mom to be okay. I remember making tough calls, and feeling so very helpless.
I remember her waking up.. The sense of happiness and joy. It was celebratory. I remember sitting w/ her and watching her get better. I remember her coming home. I remember how happy I was she was still part of the family.
And 9 years later, I think of her and I love her so much. She is such a great lady. She has this laugh when that comes from her belly when she gets going that can light up a room. She loves so big. She would give the shirt of her back for her family and friends. She is really sensitive to life, and at times this can be frustrating it give you an new perspective on feelings. It allows you to stop and realize that feelings are okay and to celebrate them for all that they are. She is just an amazing person when all is said and done.
So while other think of those who lost their lives on 9/11.. I am thankful that one was saved. I am thankful every single day. She is on borrowed time... and I am thankful the Lord knew we still needed her.
Muting one self
So, today I went back to a bad habit and muted myself for a moment. It's something that I said I wouldn't do again. This time I muted myself because I thought it was the right thing to do. Not that it was right for me, but right for overall.
I was called to the table by Ron. He's like that. I don't think he thinks he like that, but he asked.. Why'd you do that. I gave a half ass reason, which was true kind of, but there was also another reason. He questioned that and I confessed the other reason. Okay, confess is the wrong word. It was more like I expanded my answer to be all inclusive of my reason.
In my head the reason felt valid. It felt right and it felt like it would just make everything easier. Until I started to talk it out loud with Ron. Then it seemed like I was being dishonest to myself, my feelings and the things I do want to share with the world. Then I felt silly and realized that I being muted will only lead to my own misery in the long term and whatever I want to say; just say and let the chips fall where they will.. knowing that I love and I am loved.
So.. I have been reminded of that lesson tonight. I am again thankful to have such a wonderful person and feel so loved and cherished by him. I am proud to call him my boyfriend, and was reminded again tonight by him that he is proud to have me as his girl :D
I smiley again on the inside.... Goofy and happy.
In other news, my plans changed for the weekend. After talking with Michael.. we decided we are doing a shopping trip instead of a trip to mountaineer, which was the original plan. It just doesn't make sense right now and we both want to look at clothes and I am interested in looking at things for the house. So, we decided that we are going to be going to Columbus to a outlet mall down there. I love outlet malls and malls in general. It's fun to look and dream and save my pennies for all the wonderful things that they carry :D
So, that is the new plan. Get up on Sunday and head south to Columbus.. shop.. sleep.. eat :D I think I just saw a movie like that LOL.. that was funny in my own head... hope you laughed too. ( the name of the movie is Eat, love, Pray..totally different )
Goodnight my friends, family and Love.. I honor you all in my heart.
Chrissy
p.s I am on blog fire ;)
I was called to the table by Ron. He's like that. I don't think he thinks he like that, but he asked.. Why'd you do that. I gave a half ass reason, which was true kind of, but there was also another reason. He questioned that and I confessed the other reason. Okay, confess is the wrong word. It was more like I expanded my answer to be all inclusive of my reason.
In my head the reason felt valid. It felt right and it felt like it would just make everything easier. Until I started to talk it out loud with Ron. Then it seemed like I was being dishonest to myself, my feelings and the things I do want to share with the world. Then I felt silly and realized that I being muted will only lead to my own misery in the long term and whatever I want to say; just say and let the chips fall where they will.. knowing that I love and I am loved.
So.. I have been reminded of that lesson tonight. I am again thankful to have such a wonderful person and feel so loved and cherished by him. I am proud to call him my boyfriend, and was reminded again tonight by him that he is proud to have me as his girl :D
I smiley again on the inside.... Goofy and happy.
In other news, my plans changed for the weekend. After talking with Michael.. we decided we are doing a shopping trip instead of a trip to mountaineer, which was the original plan. It just doesn't make sense right now and we both want to look at clothes and I am interested in looking at things for the house. So, we decided that we are going to be going to Columbus to a outlet mall down there. I love outlet malls and malls in general. It's fun to look and dream and save my pennies for all the wonderful things that they carry :D
So, that is the new plan. Get up on Sunday and head south to Columbus.. shop.. sleep.. eat :D I think I just saw a movie like that LOL.. that was funny in my own head... hope you laughed too. ( the name of the movie is Eat, love, Pray..totally different )
Goodnight my friends, family and Love.. I honor you all in my heart.
Chrissy
p.s I am on blog fire ;)
Friday, September 10, 2010
Catty
cat·ty 1
play_w2("C0168200")
(kt)
adj. cat·ti·er, cat·ti·est
1. Subtly cruel or malicious; spiteful: a catty remark.
I have had this word floating in my head for the last week or so. Before I looked up the definition I thought to myself well... When I get together with my best friends, Danielle, Michael or Ally I can be catty, but after looking at the definition, I have decided that I am not catty; instead I can gossip. I gossip about people with my besties and family. I admit it. It's like a past time. I know.. probably not my best quality.. but it's really harmless. We laugh and giggle. Usually we even love the people that we gossip about. You know.. who's dating who.. what do you think about them, why is she so weird. Did you see that outfit.. I would never wear that. Those kinds of things. But catty is something totally different now that I have looked at the definition.
Why would someone want to be known as catty? If you have something cruel or spiteful to say, just why not come at me and say what you have to say? Why be underhanded about it? I mean.. I can take it. I can put my big girl pants on and probably say something back at you that will make you want to crawl under the rock that you came from and never come back out. I mean.. sure I will probably cry afterwards, but don't take that for weakness .. please understand that is being sensitive and not really ever wanting to hurt another person with my actions. It really hurts my heart when I think I have hurt another person. Even if I don't know them at all. I mean we are all humans and therefore in some way interconnected by God, or whatever form of belief you choose. So, when I hurt someone, I feel really badly cause I feel like in some way I am also hurting God. I know.. that is a far stretch for some, but it's one of those messed up belief things I carry. But put in a corner, I my claws will come out.. It's me being imperfect.
That being said. Catty sucks. Catty people suck. I have decided I will now always ignore catty people.. Cause if they are Catty, then they can not be my friend. True statement.
Wow, I feel better, that had been floating for much too long for my own good.
play_w2("C0168200")
(kt)
adj. cat·ti·er, cat·ti·est
1. Subtly cruel or malicious; spiteful: a catty remark.
I have had this word floating in my head for the last week or so. Before I looked up the definition I thought to myself well... When I get together with my best friends, Danielle, Michael or Ally I can be catty, but after looking at the definition, I have decided that I am not catty; instead I can gossip. I gossip about people with my besties and family. I admit it. It's like a past time. I know.. probably not my best quality.. but it's really harmless. We laugh and giggle. Usually we even love the people that we gossip about. You know.. who's dating who.. what do you think about them, why is she so weird. Did you see that outfit.. I would never wear that. Those kinds of things. But catty is something totally different now that I have looked at the definition.
Why would someone want to be known as catty? If you have something cruel or spiteful to say, just why not come at me and say what you have to say? Why be underhanded about it? I mean.. I can take it. I can put my big girl pants on and probably say something back at you that will make you want to crawl under the rock that you came from and never come back out. I mean.. sure I will probably cry afterwards, but don't take that for weakness .. please understand that is being sensitive and not really ever wanting to hurt another person with my actions. It really hurts my heart when I think I have hurt another person. Even if I don't know them at all. I mean we are all humans and therefore in some way interconnected by God, or whatever form of belief you choose. So, when I hurt someone, I feel really badly cause I feel like in some way I am also hurting God. I know.. that is a far stretch for some, but it's one of those messed up belief things I carry. But put in a corner, I my claws will come out.. It's me being imperfect.
That being said. Catty sucks. Catty people suck. I have decided I will now always ignore catty people.. Cause if they are Catty, then they can not be my friend. True statement.
Wow, I feel better, that had been floating for much too long for my own good.
Simple thoughts from a complicated girl :D
An adventure can be so simple when you are doing it with someone you love. I had such a wonderful time doing such simple things tonight. Dinner, movie and a drive to find a drive in theater.
I feel like the luckiest girl alive. It's funny, so many times in my life I have felt unwanted, unloved, and just plain. Now, I feel alive and special. It even feels funny to type it out. But it's how I feel and all. It scares me to feel this way, and at times, I don't feel like I am worth it. I kick that voice away often. At times in my life it ruled my thoughts. Ruled my mind and I surcummed to it. It didn't get me anywhere.
So, I have come to the conclusion to just be happy and be one day at a time.
This weekend, I am catching up with my bestie, Michael and we are going to head out of town for a silly bestie trip! I am looking forward to gossiping like school girls, laughing at bad jokes, and goofing off. Michael did a great job on the bathroom this weekend and I am so happy about it! The bathroom looks great! It was like a present and he worked really hard. Ronny helped to, and that was really sweet of him. Michael was at his wits end.. and the help came in handy.
So... that' is an update on my life. Happy..
I feel like the luckiest girl alive. It's funny, so many times in my life I have felt unwanted, unloved, and just plain. Now, I feel alive and special. It even feels funny to type it out. But it's how I feel and all. It scares me to feel this way, and at times, I don't feel like I am worth it. I kick that voice away often. At times in my life it ruled my thoughts. Ruled my mind and I surcummed to it. It didn't get me anywhere.
So, I have come to the conclusion to just be happy and be one day at a time.
This weekend, I am catching up with my bestie, Michael and we are going to head out of town for a silly bestie trip! I am looking forward to gossiping like school girls, laughing at bad jokes, and goofing off. Michael did a great job on the bathroom this weekend and I am so happy about it! The bathroom looks great! It was like a present and he worked really hard. Ronny helped to, and that was really sweet of him. Michael was at his wits end.. and the help came in handy.
So... that' is an update on my life. Happy..
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